Communication Looked Different

I remember before diagnosis.

There was a stretch of time where I was just a tool for Harper and Dallas. 

They only needed me to get them food, change them, open items and that’s it. 

There was no verbal communication and not much non verbal communication. 

Communication consisted of crying. 

Dallas when he would want something he would just cry. 

There was nothing that led to the crying. He was either fine or crying. If he wanted a drink to let me know he would cry. 

Harper would just drag me around. She would grab my arm and pull me to the fridge and it was a guessing game of what she would want. If I grabbed the wrong thing she would cry. If I grabbed the right thing she was silent. For both of them there was no pointing or reaching.

This time of our life was hard! 

But this time of my life taught me so much!

 I learned so much about my kids. I compare it to a newborn. When you have a newborn you are in tune with them. I remember I learned different sounding crys with my kids and I knew what they needed. 

Family would come over and see us in action and ask me how did you know that’s what they wanted. 

I still don’t have an answer other than I just knew. 

Now I can feel their moods. I can feel their energy shift. Which I know sounds crazy but I can. 

Dallas had a small animal toy in his mouth the other day and my dad was over. You couldn’t tell he had anything in his mouth by looking at him but I said “spit it out” and out flew a plastic fish. My dad said how did you know that was in there. My response was I could see it in his eyes. 

I can feel a shift before Harper elopes. It’s a split second before she takes off but I can feel it. 

My connection with Harper and Dallas is indescribable. I couldn’t put into words how it works or explain it to someone else. 

I’m thankful for that connection with them.  

Getting to where we are now with both kids using a PECS book or a speech device and sign language was a long road but I’m so happy that we made it this far. 

I can get a small peek into their brains. Which I love! 

As a mom of two non verbal autistic children I’ve had hard times, I have hard times, and there will be more hard times. 

But I appreciate and hold onto our good times and their wins. 

They work so hard. 

This post was written by Shelby Shivener from Autism On The Farm.